Gravitational Waves


“Don’t be silly Bunty!” said Lola, “This was Bingo’s car so it runs on Max Factor and Midnight In Paris; he always was cheap.” she added, gargling on Chanel No 5 and powdering herself with gold leaf and saffron.

“So Lola, ” said Bunty carefully changing the subject, “I take it that the missive is from Dorking. How on earth has he managed to re-appear after we all but blasted him into atoms?”

“That was our mistake!” said Lola becoming animated, “It wasn’t nearly enough! Someone has used two big sticks and harnessed space waves!”

Bunty raised her Poker visor and sniffed;no just gin and tobacco, no other stimulants, unless the proximity of fat and sugar was causing hallucinations.

“Look at the paper Bunty, look, look, look!” she hissed, “It’s all horrid and scientific.”

Bunty had to agree that only horrid smelly old Dorking could have written a note on such horrid paper but wasn’t entirely sure about sticks and space waves.

“Now Lola, about these sticks?” she ventured.

Lola whipped out a paper full of squiggly diagrams and arrows pointing.

“Don’t you remember Bunty, that nice melancholic man who had all these synonyms for darkness and melancholy and I drank him under the table and stole his raven?” said Lola.

“Yes Mr Poe Face!.” said Bunty.

“Well, he came up with the phrase Black Holes then that horrid little Einstein came into the bar talking about his relatives and quad bikes and stole all of his ideas out of his head!” said Lola, ending on a conspiratorial whisper.

“Is that around the time we inadvertently split the atom and went on to invent the atomic bomb?” asked bunty, dimly remembering.

“Yes!” said Lola, “That’s why science is bad!”

“Agreed!” said Bunty, because it was safer as they were flying parallel with a flock of rather large and angry Canada geese as Clarkson was  trying to run them over on account of them being foreign.

“All I know is that some Germans have a big tunnel and they are sending lasers down there and talking to space.” said Lola, “Ooh I fancy a French Martini!” said Lola as they were passing over Versailles, which they remembered fondly.

“Oh that makes sense now!” said Bunty as anything regarding lasers, Germans and tunnels was bound to be somehow wrong.

“This means we’ll have to split the atom again Bunty, and this time we’ll have to really do it properly.”

There were indeed a bunch of “physicists” burrowing around in a big underground tunnel, which is apparently their preferred habitat and their preferred past time, apart from putting stupid squiggles on blackboards which are supposed to show how the universe works, taking all the magic out of life by explaining things. Fortunately no-one really understood or cared

However, they were about to destroy the universe again, which was after all the provence of our plucky lady investigators.

 

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