Loves labours lost


Bunty was enjoying a quiet time with Branwell. He was leafing through his garden magazines, ‘ Veg weekly’ trying to find out why his cabbages were afflicted with Death Watch Beetle. The tell tale tick tick of the beetles preceded the cabbages blowing up. It was most disconcerting and twice now he had been flattened by his greyhound cabbage as it flew up.

” Damned nuisance” he grumbled, “I think it’s a rival big cabbage grower, it often gets sticky coming up to the Autumn flower show, ”

The phone rang imperiously

“That will be her” said Branwell as he left the room

True enough Lola’s imperious tones rang out

“Bunty come over I have need of your assistance”

“Back from honeymoon then, I’ll pop over with a hamper, I’ve made some biscuits!” Bunty replied

“If they are Gypsy creams Bunty don’t bother my incisors are permanently blunted from last time” she said rudely

Bunty left a note for Branwell and headed to Minge where Lola currently resided with her new husband.

Lola showed her in and brought in the tea tray, Lola’s husband drifted in and settled on the sofa opposite Bunty and Lola. She poured the tea and Bunty worked her way through the finger sandwiches that Lola’s housekeeper had made.

Bunty leant over to Lola and hissed, “Lola what is his name, I forget?”

“Call him whatever you like ” Lola replied laconically

Bunty thought, “Larry, I’ll call him Larry. Daddy had a labrador called Larry and they have the same soulful eyes” Bunty said happily. “He is looking a bit thin Lola and rather pale. Where did you go in the end?”

“We went to Transelvestyte, met up with some relatives. They seemed to take to him.”

“Larry” she shrieked

Lola’s husband looked up

“Are you talking to me?”

“Yes your name is Larry now”

He didn’t seem surprised.

Bunty was just about to take the last chocolate eclair when Lola said she should come with her to laboratory.

Bunty’s hand grasped the eclair hard, “Laboratory, Lola what are you doing in there?” she said stuffing it into her mouth nervously.

“I am resuming my affiliation with politics but doing a little experimenting with perfume to …enhance the experience let’s say. I want you to test it so far.”

Bunty sighed with relief, this shouldn’t be so bad she thought.

In the next room Lola had all manner of vials, bubbling cauldrons and such like. Lola waved a vial under Bunty’s nose

“What do you think of when you smell this?”

Bunty inhaled, she closed her eyes and thought of the sweaty armpits of a yorkshire miner, felt the weight of oppression and the burning zeal of a suffragette.

She opened her eyes and Lola nodded, “Yes it’s nearly there Bunty I just need to distill the desire for a leader, so just a touch of Corbynundrum to add….that will be me by the way”

“Very good Lola, what will you call it?

“Lefty Lady” I thought

“Mmm, Yes, it has a certain ring to it.”

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