Nuptial Max


Lola decided that a week later would be enough time to organise everything and plans were made to have the ceremony performed at the “Little Chapel on the Prairie ” by the presiding celebrant John E Cashin. One fly in the ointment was the attitude of the groom. He hid in the barn and no amount of coaxing or threats would make him come out let alone perform his duties at the wedding.

Bunty observed one of the attempts by Mrs Danny. “I can see the whites of his eyes Madam, shall I fire the blow dart?”

“No Danny, I have a better idea, lets lay a trail to make him trust us.” she replied.

Bunty was pensively chewing on a granola bar trying to eat more healthily and offered to break some bits off with the axe that lay on a water butt. “Not a food trail Bunty a repairing trail, he likes to mend things remember.”

Mrs Danny came back from the kitchen with a broken hand whisk and threw it into the barn. They waited, and sure enough within a matter of minutes they could hear the sound of heavy breathing and the satisfying whirring of a fully functioning hand whisk.

Lola tried next by going into the barn with a broken kettle, a three legged table and a vacuum cleaner.

She came out and said to Bunty ” Now that should make him happy, I expect he will come out and lay his head in my lap like the unicorn in the young virgin’s lap.”

There was an almighty explosion as Bunty had inhaled the remains of the granola bar at the thought of Lola being compared to a young virgin.

“Really Bunty control yourself what is so funny?”

Bunty was still purple in the face coughing with Mrs Danny beating her on the back with a shovel when the barn door opened tentatively and the ‘fiancĂ©’ emerged clutching the mended implements, he put them at Lola’s feet and offered her a ring made out of a washer.

Lola looked triumphant and dragged him into the house to ‘test him out’ as she put it.

Bunty and Mrs Danny went into the kitchen to watch their favourite baking programmes on Mrs Danny’s Bakerlite TV.

Two days later the assembled company of the bride and groom plus a motley selection of relatives stood in the little chapel and all sang Country and Western hymns, tried not to become entangled in Lola’s train and observed the ceremony that finished with medley of songs from the Rev Cashin’s latest album, Songs from the Slammer.

Lola was satisfied all had gone swimmingly but Bunty was still a bit bemused by the whole idea. It was probably only one of her fads she thought like becoming a body builder, the last but one idea, she knocked that one on the head after ingesting so many steroids she had started to bite people who looked at her. The trouble with Lola she had a restless spirit and not a lot could occupy her for long, Still as Bunty observed it would not be long before she got a call from her to say there was a crisis of one sort or another and her travelling bag complete with cake would be grabbed in an instant.

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