Patented Harpie Spray


Lola had reached the end of her tether; she had woken up to find herself tied wearing a rather lovely lacy nightie to the bed. Despite exploding the villages of Much Schlepping on the Wold, Minge and Lower Gussette somehow the dreadful servants Mrs Vinegar and her fowl accomplice who had been sacked for chewing the soap in the wash house and selling off the Gefiltre silver had stolen their way into Schlepping Heights and were at it again trying to do Lola over.

It was a phrase she had read in a racy detective novel by Runcible Cat Handler, the American writer of note and it was called the Malteser Dot Com, because Lola had invented the internet as a girl somewhat earlier than had been anticipated by history as she had time traveled and generally created multiple realities with her Grimoire to rid the world of the dreaded Dorking who she loathed.

Using her enhanced psychic powers she summoned Bunty and wondered what had happened to Mr Watt.

Bunty awoke with a blinding flash and muttered, “Must be those horrid harpies again, Lola isn’t herself.” Lola was transmitting images of jam and kittens with fireworks. “Oh that’s alright then.” she sighed as explosions meant that she was back to normal, and went to find her chubbfuddling stick and some patented© Harpie Spray.

Lola whistled and there was a snuffling deep in the undergrowth in the grounds of Schlepping Heights.

The evil Harpies were stuffing all that they could into Lola’s lovely satin pillow cases and claiming them as their own.

“It’s such a pity that people keep coming back from the dead-apart from me of course-it’s such a bore!” she was getting angry because she couldn’t reach her cigarettes and the Gin was leaving her body which meant that she was reaching her danger zone and was ready to blow.

Bunty kick started the old Bently and ignoring Branwell’s pleas for her to get dressed raced off down the country roads from Gussette through Minge off to Much Schlepping because they had only blown up decoys of the villages.

“This is worse than when we had to deal with Bendy the Creature at the Button Silo, they just don’t know when to leave well alone and Lola is probably about to explode!” she said munching Emergency Seed Cake with added Lemon Drizzle unbeknown to her hallucinogenic icing sugar!

“Ooh that lady cycle with the unicorn looks blurry!” she giggled as she drove over the fairy bridge.

Lola blew-it wasn’t a pretty sight but impressive nevertheless it was impressive and the noise could be heard for miles.

Bunty was driving around in circles but was disturbed in her reverie by Lola roaring.

“Ooh we must be back at the circus, I can hear the lions!” drawled Lola as a river of black and white fur came towards her from the woods.

It was an army of angry badgers heading straight for the Bently,

“Mr Dorking!” cried Bunty and then collapsed.

 

 

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