The Lady is not for turning

” Stop it Bunty, I can’t possibly wear these clothes” sniffed Lola “How could one find any satisfaction in wearing anything so, so, ordinary!” Lola collapsed into the chaise longue and sighed in a very theatrical way.

“But Lola you have to play the game, Uncle says so and he should know he has represented Upper Girth once as himself and once as Nancy, well until he was rumbled going into the wrong conveniences in the House” said Bunty

“That’s right!” Uncle Harold nodded vigorously I would have said it was a fair cop but I happen to know several other members liked to cross the house in more ways than one, if you get my drift” smirked Harold.

“really, do tell” Lola chummied up to Harold and let him model her fur coat to loosen his tongue.

Bunty had, with Harold visited several dressmakers to arrange a bespoke lady MP outfit that would find favour in the eyes of the local constituency. After a very heated discussion they applied for a northern town called Whipple. Bunty had been put in charge of research and had gathered up lots of interesting facts about the area so Lola could use it in her address to the relevant committees.

“I bet you didn’t know that Whipple is the home of the last working pit pony. His name is ay up and he can only walk forwards.” read Bunty, adjusting her new glasses on her nose.

“And did you also know that the last hanging in the town square was two women who had decimated a traveling circus and let loose a beast that is still reputed to roam the area.” Bunty’s voice trailed off and she exchanged glances with Lola.

“That’s enough Bunty, I can only remember so much you know. Find me a scarf that isn’t as repulsive as the suit you are going to make me wear.”

Bunty picked out something in a puce and orange that made Lola’s teeth bleed so she changed it for a houndstooth check which was the least repulsive.

“There how do I look?” said Lola as she turned towards the waiting mirror.

Harold was lost in admiration. Her newly coiffed hair, lightened to a soft mousey shade of ‘autumn nondescript’ and her neat little two piece with soft silk blouse in taupe made her look a nonthreatening type until you caught her eyes.

“OOH Lola say something political, go on you can do it!” said Bunty encouragingly.

Lola cleared her throat “Errhum, Ladies and gentlemen I have come here today to discuss the future of Whipple! the lack of suitable housing, the dreadful state of the roads and the indifference of national government…”

“Yes yes Lola go on!” beamed Harold and Bunty

“….to give badgers the vote or make perfectly horrid ex husbands leave one alone! They should be sent to some penal establishment to be retrained into rational human beings or if they fail should be turned into cat food”

Bunty and Harold groaned.

“What!” muttered Lola ‘I’m only being truthful!”

Harold shook his head from side to side and gave a big sigh. He put his hand around her shoulders and gave her a pat on the head with his other hand.

“Now then young lady, get one thing very very clear in your mind. Never ever, as an MP tell the truth. Remember that and you won’t go far wrong!”

Lola nodded, she got it.

“Bunty! I have it, remember when we were under Bingo’s tutelage, well it will be like playing a part! I will be like something out of those awful lady books you like to read under the covers with a torch!”

Bunty went a little pink, just like Justine in “love in thirty dirty shades of the wash house”

But Bunty knew exactly what Lola meant.


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