Witches


Lola was confused; after balancing the equilibrium of her and Bunty’s time line she awoke to find herself in past life regression.

“Oh shit!” she spat, finding herself in a time when supplies of tobacco were limited and there was a Witch Finder General. She was lying on a straw mattress in a cottage with a black cat called Salem perched on her head wearing a long black silky nightie and it was long ago, she sent out psychic thoughts to Bunty using a red thought wave and awaited a response which came rapidly;

“We have to draw back the cord” It was Bunty but with a Lancashire accent and she sounded auld.

Lola suspected Bingo in all of this but felt that it was probably the way to recovery so until she found a way back into the future was willing to tolerate it.

Bunty awoke in what could only be described as a hovel on a heath without the wow factor or even an indoor privy, but it was insulated with cow dung so was lovely and warm and had the sort of animal smell that she liked and it was clean-she also had a cat sitting on her head, which sank its claws into her scalp as she got an incoming message from Lola.

“Bunty I’ve invented a message system which I’m calling fe-male as it’s for ladies! Either we have regressed into a former life in which case we’ll wake up soon or we have actually been transported back in time but as the grimoire is no more it’s literal rather than literary and not symbolic. It appears that my name is Devills and I live in a strange cottage attached to a cave with tunnels which is ever so nice and there is some tobacco I think I have a working broom but do come for luncheon, there  is something in the cauldron which smells rather jolly.”

Bunty groaned, Lola being enthused about something was usually a warning sign and caution was clearly needed.

She dislodged the cat, discovering a crystal ball through which she could see Lola making her way through the woods, down a path which she remembered from a former life was much frequented by the Wiccans-a bunch of so called Hedge Witches who pretended to be fluffy but were actually evil and stupid.

Lola lit a pipe and was just filling her lungs with lovely smoke when she heard footsteps behind her and bells; the site was horrifying, a troupe of women wearing miss matched clothes, badly applied make up with atrocious hair were squabbling amongst themselves and stopped when they saw Lola blowing smoke rings out of her nose.

Their leader looked at Lola’s raven coloured mane and wanted it for her own-her own hair looking like it was made out of nylon and bought cheaply at Woolworths and Lola had lovely thick healthy hair and sneer to die for-or be killed by.

Their leader-Fluffy as she styled herself squealed at Lola who immediately drew her wand, but it was too late, she was quickly surrounded by the screaming harpies who dragged her off to their lair which was a big tower made of crystal by an old hall.

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