Mad Man In The Attic


Lola awoke with a sore head, which was nothing new and found herself asleep in her own bed-which was-and the Grimoire,and all that trouble with time space and Dorking but a dream-or was it-she heard strange noises coming from the bathroom-picking up the shotgun she habitually kept by her side and pushed open the door-it was her pet ancestral chicken Poultry having a bath-she closed the door in relief and sank back into her feathery bower trying to work out just what was happening.

“More brain washing I’ll bet!” she concluded then rang for a servant to bring her champagne and a copy of the Morning Star.

Bunty also awoke in some confusion but was at least in her own cosy if lumpy bed in Gusset which was a relief and it seemed to be reality or something approaching it. She rang the bell for Gangee to bring her a full Tuff-Muffin English breakfast as she felt that she needed fortification before contacting Lola on the telephone who seemed to attract melodrama in the same way that honey attracted ants.

There was a rattling noise coming from somewhere and it wasn’t Lola’s Consumption. She picked up the gun, had a quick nip of champagne, lifted up her nightgown which was rather fetching black silk with a marabou trim and made her way down the corridor towards the attic stairs.

Lola couldn’t keep servants on the premises as they were too afraid and she wasn’t allowed to by a court of law, so the attic and servant’s quarters should have been unoccupied.

She pushed the door open with her foot and made her way up stairs.

Bunty was reading the Gusett Gazette and shivered when she saw the headline that a dangerous lunatic was on the loose from Apen Asylum and there had been sighting of  a gibbering grey haired lunatic in a ragged pin stripe suit heading towards Much Schlepping.

“I must warn Lola immediately! Dorking is on the loose!”

Lola leaned against the stair well and paused to light a cigarette-she she inhaled deeply and blew out a cloud of smoke before resuming her ascent.

“I smell a rat!” she thought, “It smells like Dorking!”

Lola and Bunty had loved baiting the horrid physics teacher from St Frigid’s and he had paid them back by trying to kill them on several occasions, and had always failed-he held a particular loathing for Lola who had gotten whispering “I don’t believe in physics!” under her breath in his classes down to a fine art.

Lola gained the top stair and aimed the shotgun ahead of her.

In the corner of the attic was what looked like an elaborate wasp’s nest but it was made of shreds of pin stripe suits, pages of physics books and disbelief-there was a buzzing sound from inside it, but it wasn’t made by any wasp.

“Dorking-I’ve got you at last! You’re officially dead so if I kill you it wont even be murder-especially if you’ve turned into a giant wasp!” cried Lola. The buzzing abruptly stopped.

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2 thoughts on “Mad Man In The Attic

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