Fortunately the somewhat besotted working class man had stumbled after Lola in a daze. He had been gefiltered too right and it had ‘fetched him bandy’ as his fellow sons of the sod would have said if they could see him now. He had his uses though, catching sight of a petrified Bunty through the french windows standing frozen to the spot while a great beast of a snake slithered closer to her he strode, manfully into action
He forced open one of the french windows and gestured to Bunty to make her way out of the room while he distracted it.
Lola was waiting on the other side, her bad temper dissipated in the light of the danger Bunty was in.
As Bunty ran through the door muttering “Where is Gangee when you want him!”
Lola slammed the door behind her.
“What the bloody hell is that doing there?” she inhaled her cigarette deeply and tossed it aside into the bracken where it smouldered before being extinguished by Bunty’s size nines.
“Honestly Lola one of these days you will burn the house down!”
Lola arched one eyebrow, “never mind that Bunty! I bet that was HIM!” she looked dangerous.
“Which one Lola, You have made so many enemies it would need a turf accountant to open a book on Who wants to do away with Miss Geflitre!?”
Bunty proceeded to pretend to be a tic tac man on the course “10 to 1 anyone called Max, 5 to 1 Dorkings, 100 to 1 The Prof…”
“Do shut up Bunty it isn’t funny – oh look that fellow is having such larks with that snake”
while Bunty and Lola were going off into one of their fantasy worlds the union chap was wrestling with the python, unwisely for him he had tried to persuade it into a large basket by the window which he had deduced it had come from. The snake who was known as Barry to his keeper was having none of it. He had been fed mice and rats for some considerable time and was enjoying exploring its new surroundings. Things had been looking up as a large meal in the form of Bunty had come into view and Barry had begun exercising its jaw in readiness for a serious bit of dislocation in order to swallow her. Then he had become distracted and the tasty meal had gone. Pythons do suffer from bad temper from time to time and today was proving to be one of those days.
A muffled cry came from Padraig just as Bunty was teasing Lola.
“Look we better do something ” said Bunty as she picked up a large stick to prod Barry with
“Oy put that stick down!”
Bunty and Lola turned as a stout , slightly sweaty man came racing up the path clutching a bundle of dead vermin.
“Who the hell are you?” said Lola
“Mumbles is the name” he articulated badly. ”
“that’s my snake, some one pinched it while I was not looking” he added
Lola grasped the stick off Bunty and made threatening stabs at Mr Mumbles
“Well control your beast, there is something in the middle of those coils I haven’t finished with yet!”
With a few hastily thrown dead rats the python uncoiled and released Padraig,
“You poor thing” Lola said as she surveyed the torn and shabby clothing, the wrenched and distorted body parts.
“What you need is a good bath and a shave, and some decent clothes, and learn to be a gentleman and smell of decent aftershave instead of snake slobber”
Bunty observed the scene, “But Lola I thought that’s how you like them!”