Snake In The Grass


There was some confusion as to exactly what happened next as Bunty and Lola couldn’t quite remember as they had been hypnotised  again, Pimms may have been involved but it was certainly the work of a dastardly Physics teacher who had managed to regenerate himself temporarily was now calling himself Dr Hawking and had brought the thing that was Max back from the dead.

“I don’t know Bunty,” said Lola picking herself up from the ground and discarding the union chap, “I may have got married again after Max and forgot about it I suppose, these things happen to me all the time. Stay there you!” she shouted at the bewildered man, “I may need you later!”

“Lola, ” said Bunty, trying not to giggle, “The Prof has worked it all out!”

“Well I’m glad someone has,” said Lola lighting a cigarette and inhaling the smoke lasciviously, “I don’t know where I am or what I’m doing half the time, and I’ve got some Labour chaps coming around for something called Hot Pot this week.”

Bunty giggled as Lola gave her a special double stare with a glower thrown in and then lowered brows and a raise to the right; it was jolly impressive as Lola had spent years practicing in the mirror and was very good at it.

“You were married to Dorking!” Bunty cried and did her version of running which was tottering back to Schlepping Towers.

Fortunately Lola was wearing a very tight skirt and enormous heels so kept up a very slow and treacherous pace behind her and was reduced to shouting;

“Take it back! Take it back! I was never married to smelly old Dorking!” between bouts of coughing.

Bunty got to the house first and locked herself into Lola’s parlor and then wished she hadn’t.

Lola banged on the door with her white fists, “Tell me you’re lying!” she yelled but with a note of pleading.

Bunty looked at the snake; it was a python and it was slithering across the floor towards her.

She had lived in India for a while with the Major and knew a little about them and knew well enough that a twenty foot python could eat a man.

“Lola ” she asked in a falsetto voice “it appears that you have acquired a new pet.”

“Oh you mean the whippet? Apparently the proletariat have them and ferrets so I bought some, but they are in the stables. ” said Lola.

“No dear, I mean the bloody big snake!” cried Bunty.

“I didn’t order a snake!” cried Lola.

“Then one of your many enemies did!” cried Bunty.

“Oh.” said Lola, “Well can’t you charm it or something? I think my schofar is in there somewhere.”

“What?!” asked Bunty.

“Ram’s horn, it’s religious.” said Lola.

“I don’t care what it is, I can’t charm a snake!” said Bunty.

“Well why don’t you just open the door and come out?” asked Lola.

Bunty thought about it; man eating snake or an angry Lola Gefilter-she would have to give it some thought.

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