The call of the wild

Something snapped in Bunty; the lemon juice was the last straw. She was the only one left in the dining room that didn’t have bleeding ear drums and she lifted her nose in the air and sniffed. She could inhale could Bunty Tuff-Muffin; the years of galloping across the downs at Lower Gusette and hearty activities that required good breath control like swimming the channel every half term hols meant she had a good pair of lungs.

She caught a faint aroma, it was sugary with a hint of almonds. Her pupils dilated and she strode over the fallen, brushing them away like annoying flies.

“Bunty, where are you going?” said Lulu in a muffled voice as her bandages were quite tight.

She didn’t answer as she had picked up the scent, stronger now and raced towards the door. Across the street was a passing patisserie van, the baker was unloading trays of succulent pastries.

Quick as a flash she ran to the door, wrenched the baker away from the back door of the van and jumped in the driver’s seat and drove away with a buttery croissant clamped between her teeth.

“Mon Dieu” shrieked the baker as he lay sprawled on the road.

The staff in the clinic looked in vain for Dr Foster, he was nowhere to be seen.

The staff nurse picked up a note, read it and phoned Lola’s room. there was no answer,

“Where is doctor Foster?” said one of the nurses surveying the moaning and crying patients

Staff nurse looked up at her “It says he’s gone to Gloucester” she answered.

At that moment Lola and Hereward were in their coffins in a big van being taken to the train bound for Transelvestyte. She couldn’t move and sent out telepathic messages to Bunty for help. She was very cross, she needed a cigarette and copious amounts of gin.

Bunty drove like a maniac, the croissant helped , and so did the tray of profiteroles. She was getting messages from Lola, …” Help, tied up.. coffin.. desperate for a fag…..and  a van, oh god lying in earth my dress will be ruined…”

Bunty drove, she felt she was going the right way, the signs said she was heading for the station.

Lulu gnashed her new teeth, so close, Bunty was getting a waist and had started to ignore Lola and then something went horribly wrong.

Branwell had managed to get the boat train, last time he had left the safety of Ricketts he had been with Rusty tuff-Muffin, a lion and some sailors. He had decided after that he didn’t want to away again and so far he had avoided it. This time his Bunty was in trouble again and he knew that she had come into contact with ‘patient X’ otherwise her wayward mother Lulu. Mr Bingo had made him promise to act in Bunty’s best interest if circumstances warranted it and that day had come.

He had packed carefully, clean change of clothing, a roll of toilet paper, a phrase book and some sherbet lemons. with his passport in his hand and several of the Queen’s pounds turned into ‘funny money’ he set forth and very quickly found himself at Dover.


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