Human Nature


Miss Honeycake sat back in her chair surveying Simeon Smarmy; she couldn’t believe that they had sent a boy to reel in the most successful spy in the history of espionage. She was quite offended and wouldn’t co-operate until he saw sense and offered to transport her to London and a suite at the Dorchester hotel.

This gave her the leverage that she needed; holding court was much easier when done from a hotel suite than a prison cell.

Hereward still held feelings for his cousin Lola, yet he was also annoyed that she had inherited the throne of Transylvestite. It was true that she was the rightful heir, but had his father not had such an untimely death at the hands of rioting peasants then it would have been he who would have become king instead of a mere count.

Lola was still consciously unaware of their relationship; she merely thought of him as a particularly creepy psychopathic suitor who was now apparently in charge of her clinic and murdering the patients.

That should have been her most pressing concern, but she was most alarmed that Lulu was having such an effect on Bunty, who was now down stair in the treatment rooms being rolled and massaged and had signed up to a strict calisthenics regime and was on a diet of grapefruit and yoghurt.

A chemical solution was found to Lulu’s blue visage and she had the top layers of her skin removed and was now swathed with bandages.

Lola decided to try to use this to her advantage; it was not that she didn’t want to see Bunty change-she remembered several disastrous make overs-it simply wasn’t who she was to obsess about her weight. Lulu obviously had an agenda; she was afraid to be alone and was probably trying to turn Bunty into a clone of herself, but why?

Bunty was lying on a bed awaiting her first treatment which involved being covered in sea weed and wrapped in bandages like an Egyptian mummy.

It didn’t smell very nice and she had an itch on her nose but Mummy had said that she would lose inches all over.

Lola sat in a chair in the corner watching her; she had to choose her tactics very carefully.

Hereward had been preparing for Lola’s visit; he had yielded to the call of the blood since he was a boy and now he planned to make Lola do the same, to renounce her human nature and become his vampire bride to rule Transylvestite forever.

He carefully sharpened his teeth and made sure that the two coffins filled with earth from the Mother country were ready to be shipped.

Professor Dorking noticed with interest the treatments that Miss Tuff-Muffin was receiving and began to formulate his plan. A diet without sugar could have severe consequences, especially for someone like Bunty who was clearly addicted to it.

He ordered the dietician to put Bunty on the lemon juice and warm water diet with immediate effect.

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