Deranged on a Train


Lola awoke with a “Gin Headache” as it’s known in the licensing  trade and she knew right away that he gin had been spiked, or else was an inferior brand, and immediately suspected Lulu.

She reached for her cigarettes and found the case empty. Luckily she had emergency smokes stashed in her shoe heels which were hollow and crisis rations of  “Hair of the dog” Bombay Sapphire in her parasol handle.

Whilst she gargled she contemplated revenge on Lulu-Bunty’s mother or not.

Bunty awoke with a start-it was Lulu snoring in the next carriage. She was thankful that Daddy and Bingo were no longer alive for Mummy was bound to want revenge on which ever one of them had locked her up in the first place; if only she could get to the bottom of it without bringing back painful memories.

There had to be a decent psychiatrist in Mershugenneh who could sort her out, or maybe the hydro therapy and shock treatment that she had heard of could sort her out.

She also had to keep her and Lola from clawing each other to pieces, which given the roar she could hear from Lola’s carriage would not be easy.

Lola’s temper subsided once she had taken a deep drag on her first cigarette; she was simply practising a new therapy she had invented just then called “Primate screaming”; well if it was could enough for chimps…

She lay in her bed in a fuge of smoke and began to calm down; the problem was that the nearer she got to Transylvestite her vampire blood rose to the surface and she found it difficult to control her urges to drink blood and rend flesh.

Lulu luxuriated in the fumes of smoke that Lola’s French cigarettes produced. The problem was that she and Lola were too much alike in many ways. Fortunately the girls had not probed her about her time at the asylum or her secret would have been out and everything would change.

If the girls found out about the genetic experiments that Bingo carried out they would be devastated; he had after all stolen the research from none other than Doctor Joseph Mengele before he had fled to Brazil.

Bunty reluctantly dressed for breakfast in a new morning dress which Mummy had made her buy in bright orange, which she had to admit did suit her. She did hope that Lulu and Lola would be a bit more subdued after all the gin and martini they had consumed the previous evening.

When she arrived at the dining carriage the two women were both wearing dark glasses and knocking back Bloody Mary’s and both seemed suitably penitential.

They both mumbled apologies and stubbed out their cigarettes in the grape fruit.

Bunty decided, giving them both an “Old Fashioned” look, that she needed to have a stern talk with the pair of them whilst they were slightly disarmed.

In Katzenkopf clinic, Dr Foster, who claimed to be from Gloucester, looked with interest at the latest bookings at the clinic; he looked forward to re-acquainting himself with one guest in particular.

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