Charming!


Whilst the local fire service dampened down the blaze Miss Honeycake tried to revive Lola. Several attempts at counter code words proven futile, but then the badger army crowded around Lola and began licking at the soot, revealing her beautiful,  haughty and slightly semitic face in a cold death mask.

“Oh Lola!” cried Bunty, “You would have been so happy, in death you have never looked lovelier!”

“Don’t be silly Bunty, she’s not dead look there’s an angry pulse beating in her throat!” said Miss Honeycake.

Suddenly Lola’s hands shot out in front of her and she grabbed at Miss Honeycake’s throat and started squeezing.

“Mrs Damson! Stop her!” cried Bunty, “Miss Honeycake’s face is turning blue!”

Mrs Damson tried to prize Lola’s fingers away from her throat.

“Gosh, she’s turning this season’s purple!” said Bunty admiringly.

“She has her in a death grip!” said Mrs Damson.

“Oh!” said Bunty “I know what will do the trick!” and she ran off leaving Miss Honeycake in Lola’s hands.

Bunty dragged a chest from underneath Lola’s decimated bed and cracked open the padlock with her shoe. Inside was a rum bunch of stuff; handcuffs, whips, boxes of cigarettes, a flagon of gin, but most importantly a scrap book bursting with cuttings and a heap of notebooks.

She dashed down the stairs crying “Smoking is allowed!”, threw the flagon of gin in Lola’s face, at which point her eyes opened as she started licking the Bombay Sapphire off her face, but she did not loosen her grip.

“Look Lola look, our days at school, all the news clippings of the plots we foiled and the governments we overthrew! There’s Mr Dorking looking evil and our favourite badger-ooh, you remember Miss Lovely, oh maybe not, don’t think about that! I know, when we defeated the evil nuns, or when we nearly succeeded in assassinating Hitler and then found King Salomon’s mines!” Bunty rambled.

Lola’s grip began to loosen slightly and Miss Honeycake began to look less purple, and turned a lovely shade of lavender.

“I don’t know what to do!” wailed Bunty, as Miss Honeycake began to lose consciousness.

Just then Gangee charged into the room carrying emergency supplies of cake, gin, pimms and cigarettes.

“Oh Miss Bunty, whatever trouble have you and Miss Lola got into now?” he asked in his musical accent.

“Step aside and let me deal with this!” he commanded.

Gangee whipped out an Indian pipe and began to make excruciating music, but had powers to soothe the savage breast and Lola began to lose her grip further from Miss Honeycake’s throat and wriggled on the floor. She began to rise and seemed hypnotised by Gangee’s pipe.

Lola let go of Miss Honeycake and writhed in time to the motion of the pipe, fully in its thrall.

“She always was suggestible!”  thought Bunty, marvelling at Gangee’s talent.

The firemen burst in, and luckily one of them knew first aid and began to give Miss Honeycake mouth to mouth.

Gangee finished his Lola charming act with a flourish and trapped her safely in a Fortnam and Mason’s hamper.

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