Bunty the blaster


Bunty peered down at the disheveled form of Max. He moaned and they realised he was not dead which was a bit of a bind really as they were heartily sick of him trailing around after them becoming evermore depraved into the bargain.

“He really has hit rock bottom now” sighed Lola trying to remember why she had agreed to marry him.

“He used to be so particular about his person, hand-made suits, scent, perfectly filed teeth and a whizz at making money”

Bunty moved Lola aside while she prodded him cautiously with her foot. The moans turned to growls and she picked up a stick to prod him with, not wishing to be bitten.

It is true, time had not dealt kindly with Max; he had on a suit but it was covered with soil and detritus of living on the moor. he smelt like Mr Dorkings, but without the badgers sunny temperament.

“Do you think the wound is fatal?” said Lola hopefully.

“Well I think if we walk away slowly, going for help, then it may be” said Bunty.

Unfortunately the sound of the shots had alerted Dr D’Spaire in the asylum and they could see flashlights and the van they used to recapture escapees heading towards them.

“Bugger” said Lola

“Did you have silver bullets in your gun by any chance?” enquired Bunty

“No, more’s the pity” responded Lola “I suppose it is too late to plug him again?” she added hopefully.

“Lola you have been watching too many cowboy films” Bunty muttered kicking him heartily but the growling continued and Max seemed to be struggling to rise.

Lola picked up a weighty branch and swung it at him to keep him under control.

The asylum van arrived and out of the back jumped a number of hearty fellows with chains and strait jackets. Their was a moment, just a moment when Dr D’Spaire was tempted to shove Bunty and Lola in a strait jacket and take them back but instead directed his men to the prone form of Max, half man, half beast.

“Behold the beast of Appen moor ” said Lola flinging her arms out in a dramatic manner. “Take him away and make sure the moon is never visible from his cell” she demanded.

Dr D’Spaire cheered at this, he would be able to hold press conferences, his name would be known. The only true werewolf in captivity!

Bunty and Lola traipsed back to Basketcase Manor, “This elephant gun is jolly heavy” puffed Bunty and I never really got a chance to fire properly, I was too afraid I might hit you.”

“Well let off a round or two if you like, there is a n awful folly at the back of the house, you can demolish that if you like in the morning. I don’t know why Bingo had it built, there is no style to it just a perfunctory square building with a locked door. No idea what’s in it. Do you reckon the gun would blast the door open?” yawned Lola.

Bunty’s eyes gleamed. “Rather!” she said patting the heavy gun affectionately “Just load up and stand back, I can blast anything with this little beauty.”

For once in the morning Bunty bounded out of bed and dived into the Caligula bathroom to shower. She was downstairs in a trice. Mrs Damson, fortunately had decided to take on the role of the perfect housekeeper and had set the table with all the little niceties that Miss Lola enjoyed. Cigarettes, black coffee, a salty cracker and a tub of herrings. Bunty grimaced,

“I have a full english for you Miss Bunty” she said as she came out of the Shirley Temple kitchen.

“Rather!” Bunty tucked in and had demolished the plateful of fried sections of pig before Lola floated into the room.

Bunty jumped up, “I have set the gun up facing the folly Lola, you can watch from here.” She thrust a pair of binoculars into her hands and dashed outside to the elephant gun she had rested on top of a wall facing the folly.

Lola trained the binoculars onto the building and signalled to Bunty to let loose.

Bunty donned a pith helmet she found in the cloakroom and aimed. She pulled the trigger and a deafening boom as the bullets hit the door blowing it off its hinges.

As the dust settled and Bunty bounded up to admire the carnage. She put her head into the building to have a look around, quickly withdrawing she  shouted to Lola

“You better come and have a look”

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