Appen Asylum

Dr D’Spaire paced up and down the corridor nervously awaiting his guests. The tea was brewing nicely and the concealed syringe with a truth drug was under the velvet pillow on the chaise longue.

Lola, Bunty and Mr Dorkings were ushered into the consulting room.

“Ha I see you have returned one of our inmates” Dr D’Spaire rubbed his hands together at the sight of the badger. Mr Dorkings, normally a happy badger, bared his teeth and growled.

“Dr D’Spaire if you cannot tell the difference between a wild animal and a human I am not sure who should be behind a locked cell, you or our long-lost pet?” Lola questioned while she undid her sable and allowed the full force of her assets be appreciated by the doctor.

Dr D’Spaire blushed a deep shade of puce, and stuttered. While he tried to form a coherent sentence Bunty took charge.

“Alls well that ends well, our dear Mr Dorkings is back with us and this looks a jolly nice spread, a little less butter on the scone for Mr Dorkings though.”

The Doctor sat down in a hurry, why was Miss Tuff-Muffin talking about the patient Dorkings in cell 009 as though he were here?

“We called the badger after Mr Dorkings,- it was a schoolgirl joke.” hissed Lola at the doctor.

Dr D’Spaire took off his glasses and rubbed them furiously on his cardigan. He was trying to take the whole scene in Lola spread herself on the chaise longue, fitting a cigarette into the holder, lighting her cigarette and fixing him with a look that made him sweat. Miss Tuff-Muffin had dispensed tea for everyone and poured some in a saucer for the badger who looked quite at home as it demolished  several slices of Battenberg and slurped up the saucer of Darjeeling.

This wasn’t how he planned it, he was supposed to be in command and now there was even no where for him to sit .

Bunty passed him a cup and commented on the amount of patients that Bingo had in the asylum most of which had tried to kill them at one time or other.

“Don’t you think it jolly strange Doctor,  that we know so many of your inmates?” Bunty said guilelessly.

“Yes and we know what the trigger words are. I found it in a code hidden in a book of sermons by Cardinal Richelieu.” Lola casually added.

The doctor put down his tea-cup rattling it in his agitation.

“What are they? I must know! Some of his patients do nothing but stare into space. He had programmed them to only respond with these trigger words.”

Lola crossed her legs, the sound of silk stockings rubbing against each other made the Doctor chew his tie and utter little moans.

“Now then Lola just stop that!” Bunty said observing the effect she was having.

“Do you think you could show us around Doctor, we are very interested, and we will of course give you the trigger words.” Bunty added soothingly.

“Of course, follow me, He got up, a little stiffly and went to the door.

Lola, had felt something under the cushion and discovered the syringe. She hid it in her handbag, along with the pistol. She had no idea what was in it but she knew enough to keep it hidden in case.

They followed the Doctor down the corridor and through several locked doors until they came to a side ward marked Dangerous patients.

“You must not inflame our patients, no talking to them and don’t stand too close to the eye holes.”

Bunty saw the name plates and ignoring the Doctors advice said loudly

“Lola You will never guess who is in this one!”


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