Tally ho!


Bunty took a deep breath and blew; the T-M’s were terribly keen on the hunt and all came running from various directions of the house to rally to the call.

Lola took aim, she cocked the gun and said very quietly to the assembly,

“Now the thing you’ve got to be wondering is, “Is this our lucky day” this is a high calibre elephant gun made by Orwell and Blair of Sheffield and judging by Bingo’s umbrella stand collection it has fired five rounds, so are you feeling lucky, come on punks make my day.”

The Tuff-Muffins exchanged a very quick glance and left in a stampede via the front door. Bunty and Lola stood at the threshold, the gun still aimed, at the T-M’s running to their cars and in some case wildly across the darkening moor.

“I say Lola, you really wouldn’t have?” asked Bunty.

“Oh don’t be silly Bunty, it’s antique, it wouldn’t fire.” she demonstrated by holding the gun in the air and pulling the trigger. The proceeding volley dislodged a statue of Judy Garland from the portico and a flock of Canada geese going south for the winter.

“Well that’s dinner sorted out.” said Lola, closing the heavy oak door behind them.

Despite Bingo’s rather theatrical taste in decor, the house felt damp and gloomy as the mist which now crept apace across the moor enveloped Basketcase Manor and the low howl of a large dog could be heard in the distance.

Lola ordered the remnant of the servants to light every fire in the house, stove up the boiler and light the very many sparkling gasoliers.

The housekeeper was ordered to prepare the geese for hanging in the larder as on reflection eating game so quickly after its despatch was not a good idea. Instead Lola ordered a supper of cold cuts and the best wines in the cellar, since abandoned by the fleeing T-M’s.

“My Lola, you’re already acting like the mistress here!” exclaimed Bunty admiringly as the sipped cocktails in the Doris Day room which was done out in gingham.

“You don’t mind do you Bunty? After all he was your uncle, he could have left it to you.” asked Lola.

“I have the family pile of Rickets and more than enough money to live very comfortably indeed.” said Bunty. “And after what the Chester Historicals put you through it is small recompense. Did you see the crest above the fire.”

It was an heraldic crest displaying the devices of a bayonet and an historic, but disappointing walled city if you’ve ever been to York.

“The sign of the secret chapter of the regiment; The Free Mercenaries; it was their northern lodge!” said Bunty, “I had a quick look at that bundle of papers.” she explained.

“Nice detective work Bunty!” said Lola knocking back a Singapore Sling with aplomb.

The ladies were really quite pleased with themselves and the events of the day, which led them to relax a little too much over dinner with the river of fine vintage wines flowing.

They did not hear the crunch of feet on the gravel outside the window.

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