Where there is a will


Bunty concentrated very hard and managed to walk with some attitude towards a chair. Lola sidled into a chair next to her

“well done Bunty, not quite catwalk but not bad” Lola was pleased with her ‘pupil’. Bunty kicked off her shoes and twiddled her feet under the table.

The lawyer, Mr Scuttchens, shuffled a considerable pile of the papers and looked at the assembled family members. As usual the motley collection of Tuff-Muffins had sensed the evening would be interesting. Not only finding out who had got the money but the ensuing mud-slinging and biting that took place when more than three Tuff-Muffins were together in the same place. 

Mr scuttchens had been warned and called for silence while the will was read.

“I Bingo tuff-Muffin being of sound mind do hereby bequeath to my dear Niece Bunty the house,Ricketts and a sum of Two hundred thousand pounds and an apology for the trouble that I caused her concerning the Chester Historical Regiment.

Some of the family, namely her awful sisters muttered and gesticulated in a menacing way. Lola stared at them very hard and they stopped. They remembered the school days when the sisters were so horrid to Bunty until she joined forces with Lola and there had been a very messy showdown. 

“To Lola Gefiltre, I leave the contents of my wardrobes”,….. (The sisters giggled nastily)

“Oh yes, transvestite clothes, suit you Gefiltre” 

“Ahem,” Mr Scutchens continued, “And Basketcase manor, as long as she stays here for one month every year.”

“Lola, another property, what luck!” said Bunty

“Bingo” said Lola, “Not sure why he thought his bizarre choice of clothes would be of use to me though”

“..To the rest of the Tuff-Muffins i leave one hundred thousand pounds to be split between them.”

The Tuff-Muffins looked happy for the moment until they realised there were so many of them it would be more like one hundred pounds each.

The sisters got up from the table and stomped off, pausing to pocket some of the knick knacks that were dotted about.

“Right is that it then,” said Lola,

“Yes miss Gefiltre, that about wraps it up.’ said the Lawyer.

“what are all those papers the” said Bunty curiously eyeing the vast sheaf of papers he was trying to keep in order.

“These belong to you,” he said thrusting them into Bunty’s hands. “These papers are the jottings of the late Mr Bingo and he wanted me to give them to you personally, they are a mixture of the time spent in the Chester Historicals and also the notes he took when interviewing his patients at the asylum before he left to take the cloth. I have not looked through them as he said they were for you to see and no one else”

“I bid you good night, I have no wish to stay here after night fall” Mr Scutchens hurried out of the door and drove down the drive leaving behind a dust cloud.

The Tuff-Muffins set out to clear the cellar of all the best wines and Lola took merely a few minutes to decide on her chosen form of action to protect her newly acquired property.

She took down from the wall the elephant gun and braced herself against the banisters. 

“Bunty, blow the hunting horn”

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